FRENCH TEACHERS ARE ALIENS!

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

 Consider the evidence I present before you....

...We should all be able to speak French to a decent level. We're able to read, write and do basic maths (unless, of course you suffer from that debilitating condition known as being “completely thick”) yet we struggle with French. The reason for this is simple – French teachers are aliens!

They seem reluctant to teach the language properly, and speak French themselves in a very peculiar way, usually with pursed lips, so that a simple “bonjour monsieur” comes out as: “boonjeooo moosyooo” and they have a fixation with “the sky being blue” or “the grass being green” or even “the bus being red.”

To even attempt to learn French from any of these alien fiends would be a mistake. The moment you opened your mouth (with pursed lips) to any French national would result in hysterical laughter, because no-one in France speaks in such a demented way.

It's hard to know what their nefarious plans are after all these years. It is speculated that they have seen the future and know that an Anglo-French union would result in an empire which would span the galaxy, and are here to prevent it. It's very clever and they've gotten away with it until now, because now we're onto you!

Either that, or they're just shit at their jobs.

You decide!

In the meantime, adieu, mes amis! Or, as one of these aliens would say: “Eeuuhdyooo, Muuhz Ooomeee!”

ANOTHER WORLD

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

You have to look at the reality of alien conspiracy theories, and the free-range loons who believe in them, by asking yourself: “Why would aliens have any interest in us?” They're an advanced race who can travel light years across space. They have everything they could possibly want. They might give us a sideways glance on their way to somewhere else, but that's the best it would get.

To give you an example: Imagine walking along a street, on your way to some important appointment, or you're just going home. As you walk, you notice a half-eaten chocolate bar on the floor that someone's casually thrown away. Like all sane-minded people, you'd either ignore it or think how inconsiderate the individual who dropped it there was, but you'd still go on your way, quickly forgetting all about it.

What you wouldn't do is stop and say to yourself: “Wait! There's probably a bacterial colony forming on that chocolate bar. I simply must go out of my way and investigate it further by extracting a few of them, probe them for no apparent reason and, if I can, interbreed with them whilst hiding behind a paranoid conspiracy instilled in the others. Yes, that is a good idea!”

You wouldn't do it, so why would an alien?

Conspiracy Of Silence

(Black biro on a 75mm x 75mm post-it note)

  - NOT AVAILABLE -

As you can see, I've based this idea on the three wise monkeys, which works well for the mad world of alien conspiracies..