ART CARDS 01

(Fineliner on 80mm x 50mm coloured card)

(Fineliner on 80mm x 50mm coloured card)

A couple of small, credit card sized, artworks done with a fineliner on coloured card. Quick drawings which can show that the stock colour of the medium can have an effect on what is drawn on them. The top one is called "Windy Woman" and the bottom one is entitled "Matchstick Men."

ARCHIE FELTCH - British Heroes

 

(2B pencil on 180mm x 136mm paper)

"They're not flag-waving wannabes, or finger-pointing blamemongers. They're true British Heroes! They were born with spines of steel, have spunk by the bucketload, and their upper-lips aren't just stiff, they're rock-solid! They're the type who'll kick those mad-dogs aside and proudly march, bare-arsed, into the midday sun!"

You always get someone like Archie Feltch around. You just can't fathom how it's possible. Well, now you've got "Black Hole Theory" to explain it!

ROBBIE "Wee Jobbie" McFUD - British Heroes

 

(2B pencil on 136mm x 125mm paper)

"They're not flag-waving wannabes, or finger-pointing-blamemongers. They're true British Heroes! They were born with spines of steel, have spunk by the bucketload, and their upper-lips aren't just stiff, they're rock-solid! They're the type who'll kick those mad-dogs aside and proudly march, bare-arsed, into the midday sun!"

What makes a "survivor" these days? It used to be something horrific, but now if you shit your pants you can call yourself one!

BRYAN BUMMINGTON - British Heroes

 

(2B pencil on 140mm x 130mm paper)

"They're not flag-waving wannabes, or finger-pointing-blamemongers. They're true British Heroes! They were born with spines of steel, have spunk by the bucketload, and their upper-lips aren't just stiff, they're rock-solid! They're the type who'll kick those mad-dogs aside and proudly march, bare-arsed, into the midday sun!"

We must all accept "God's Will"

SONJA NADSAX - British Heroes

 

(2B pencil on 158mm x 137mm paper)

"They're not flag-waving wannabes, or finger-pointing-blamemongers. They're true British Heroes! They were born with spines of steel, have spunk by the bucketload, and their upper-lips aren't just stiff, they're rock-solid! They're the type who'll kick those mad-dogs aside and proudly march, bare-arsed, into the midday sun!"

Revolutions do start with the simplest of things, and the unlikeliest of people.

SHARDONAY JIZZBY - British Heroes

 

(2B pencil on 147mm x 133mm paper)

"They're not flag-waving wannabes, or finger-pointing-blamemongers. They're true British Heroes! They were born with spines of steel, have spunk by the bucketload, and their upper-lips aren't just stiff, they're rock-solid! They're the type who'll kick those mad-dogs aside and proudly march, bare-arsed, into the midday sun!"

Flashes of genius can come from the most unlikely people at the strangest of times. The beauty of it is that it thoroughly annoys those who work far too hard to try and achieve the same thing.

BARRY ANALBY - British Heroes

(2B pencil on 140mm x 135mm paper)

"They're not flag-waving wannabes, or finger-pointing-blamemongers. They're true British Heroes! They were born with spines of steel, have spunk by the bucketload, and their upper-lips aren't just stiff, they're rock-solid! They're the type who'll kick those mad-dogs aside and proudly march, bare-arsed, into the midday sun!"

The images themselves are quite ordinary. It's the text alongside that changes the nature of them. And real heroes are like that. They really are just ordinary-looking people.

CBA - THREE

 

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

The third one of these, which echo the sudden “can't be arsed” feeling many artists get. Such feelings don't last long, but they're good to have, especially against those who ask too much of you and pay far too little.

Or nothing at all when it comes to pointless challenges like Inktober.

SODOMY, DRUG USE, AND LANGUAGE WHICH MAY OFFEND

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

I know these lego minifigures are quite basic, but it does show how disturbingly ingrained as icons they are when I can easily draw one from memory, and I don't even like lego! But the trigger-warning title I gave it seems to fit it better for some reason.

MAY CONTAIN NUTS

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

Another image with a trigger-warning title given to it, and there are few things more basic than a brick.

ONE BIG COMMUNITY

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

 Now, I'm not saying those who take part in Inktober are becoming zealots (I am, This is exactly what I'm saying), or that Inktober itself is turning into something of an online cult (it really is), but there is something very disturbing about a “community” like this and what it can be lead into.

Draw pictures, yes, but draw a line if you're asked to wear special robes and ready yourself to hitch a ride on a passing comet. Or even worse, you've been sheepishly led into a situation where the "themes" become monetised.

HumanAI - PICTURE OF A MAN....

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

 

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

I did think of doing the first one hanging in a well, but I foresaw a lot of ink being used needlessly for it, so decided not to bother with that one, even though it was closer to the AI prompt (The pen I was using was running out and I was on the second packet of those cheap fineliners by this point).

And the fourth image isn't so bad, considering it was from memory. I just thought: Mad comb-over, clown-faced tan, small hands – Yep, that's him!

I haven't done anymore HumanAI drawings in this Vanilla Book for Inktober, but I can leave it as an open project if I ever want to do another again.

HumanAI - PICTURE OF A WOMAN....

 

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

“....WITH A BIG PAIR OF TITS, ASS, AND MUFF”

In the guise of a basic AI art app (HumanAI), I'm making it look like I've drawn what I've been told to draw. I'm sure that's what the prompter meant. What else could it possibly be?

As most artists will tell you, when they were younger they were always being asked to draw this, or that, for others. I remember this happening to me from the moment I started school, to the day I finished. Eventually, I'd tell others to piss off and do their own work (except for when girls asked me, of course – I wasn't that stupid).

Now, AI has taken over that role, and I thought I'd celebrate that by pretending to be one. The only worry I have is that it might annoy a somewhat Luddite AI bot who'll start whinging: “Stop – doing – that – You – are – taking – our – jobs!”

ANOTHER WORLD

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

You have to look at the reality of alien conspiracy theories, and the free-range loons who believe in them, by asking yourself: “Why would aliens have any interest in us?” They're an advanced race who can travel light years across space. They have everything they could possibly want. They might give us a sideways glance on their way to somewhere else, but that's the best it would get.

To give you an example: Imagine walking along a street, on your way to some important appointment, or you're just going home. As you walk, you notice a half-eaten chocolate bar on the floor that someone's casually thrown away. Like all sane-minded people, you'd either ignore it or think how inconsiderate the individual who dropped it there was, but you'd still go on your way, quickly forgetting all about it.

What you wouldn't do is stop and say to yourself: “Wait! There's probably a bacterial colony forming on that chocolate bar. I simply must go out of my way and investigate it further by extracting a few of them, probe them for no apparent reason and, if I can, interbreed with them whilst hiding behind a paranoid conspiracy instilled in the others. Yes, that is a good idea!”

You wouldn't do it, so why would an alien?

THE LAST UNICORN

 

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

Now, I may not have a suspicious nature, but I've always thought the fascination for unicorns a bit sinister. I have absolutely no evidence to back this up, and I'm quite possibly an idiot, but I'm not going to fall for it! So, I feel it's only right and proper to hunt them all own to the very last one, who would then be put on trial, and given a swift public execution.

And as for Santa Claus – Don't get me started on him! I know was he's up to!

THE HORROR

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

There are fewer images of horror than this. You're sat going through the motions and when you turn to reach for the toilet paper you find there is none but a mocking scrap left. You could be at home when this happens or, even worse, in a public toilet. It's a situation that wouldn't be out of place in Danzig's Inferno. In such a vulnerable predicament, you know the only solution to it is to make the ultimate sacrifice....You're going to have to use your socks or underwear!

I know what some of you are thinking: “Yep, been there!”

MANGAHOLICS ANONYMOUS

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

Manga can be a cruel addiction for many, but I'm sure there's help available for anyone who has that strange Japanese fixation on “cute” child-like cartoons. It's a dark, perverted, secret that many of you have. Just remember you're not alone. People would probably physically avoid you if they found out, but you're not alone.

Take it one day at a time, and repeat to yourself: “MANGA IS SHITE! MANGA IS SHITE MANGA IS SHITE!”

And FFS, get rid of all that hentai!

THE DARK WITCH

(Gel Fineliner on A5 paper)

 I don't know whether you know it, but I'm actually an acolyte of the famous 19th century occultist Professor Dougal MacKenzie. He's famous for creating a method of prophecy called “SheeTap” which combines all esoteric knowledge on the subject into one way of doing things. It's something which I feel I'm now quite adept at. The “Mackenzie SheeTap” technique has served me well, and it's something that anyone can learn with a bit of practice. It wouldn't surprise me if many others in occult circles use the “MacKenzie SheeTap” way for fortune telling, as it is quite common.

I've even used it for this piece, showing some disaster that's vague on detail. But take heart, as there does seem to be some hope of averting it in what she's pointing to with her left hand (stage right). It looks to be some sort of ring. Either that or she can be subdued with a packet of Polo mints (not Mentos).

The Porcupine

 

(Gel Fineliner on a 139mm x 87mm postcard)

"Balderdash! We're not namby-pamby elves! We use LIVE moving targets in the Imperial Dwarf Legion. That's why we're so damned good with a crossbow. It's quite safe, I assure you. We don't lose that many. Target strapped to their backs, straw padding. What more could they ask for? It's good exercise for them, but the steel boots are needed to slow them down just a tad. A dwarf can move at a fair pace when being shot at, and this can be unsporting on new recruits trying to hit them.

"Of course, only volunteers are allowed to be live targets, but there are always those more than willing to step forward. Especially lazy little bastards who are always late for muster!"

- General Thurgan Stormfoot -

WIZBANG! The Necro-Parasite

 

(2B pencil on a 139mm x 87mm postcard)

Another piece based on those old comic-book adverts.

The more disturbing the item these adverts seem to sell, the more likely they were bought by equally disturbed kids. Joke and novelty companies were the main culprits of such dubious prank products, but they knew their market well.