THE TWART

 

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

A “Twart” (Twat Artist) has many other names, but twart suits them best here. These are a different kind of artist, usually art school graduates, who try far too hard to be artists, each carrying a metaphorical “ABC Book of How To Be An Artist” ticking off various aspects of what they think artists are like.

They try to go for the rough, bohemian look, as if they're struggling to make ends meet, and attempt to be “on trend” by wearing something like a rainbow hat or shirt, but closer inspection reveals their true nature. Certain items of clothing will be expensive labels. They'll have the latest smartphone (fully paid for – no contract phone for them) or they'll be wearing a smartwatch, which is usually a dead giveaway.

And as for their artwork – Fuck me! You won't find anything cheesier and so inoffensive. Pictorial evidence, if there ever was, they've never really lived, or have any idea what the real world's like. They can call themselves artists. No-one can ever take that away from them, but they'll always be twarts.

And, when they're about to give up on their deluded dream, softly falling back, as they always do, on the financial safety net of their parents, they'll start to complain: “Why aren't I famous? I went to art school. I've been exhibited in <insert name of pointless gallery here> So how come I'm not famous?!”

Because you're a twart, mate.

THE LAST UNICORN

 

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

Now, I may not have a suspicious nature, but I've always thought the fascination for unicorns a bit sinister. I have absolutely no evidence to back this up, and I'm quite possibly an idiot, but I'm not going to fall for it! So, I feel it's only right and proper to hunt them all own to the very last one, who would then be put on trial, and given a swift public execution.

And as for Santa Claus – Don't get me started on him! I know was he's up to!

LEADVEMBER

(2B Pencil on A5 Paper)

 

(2B Pencil on A5 Paper)

For today, I thought I'd include the work I've been doing for next month's #leadvember challenge, as working in pencil should never be dismissed. Today's prompt word for it is “arse” which I've depicted as shown. It's weird, because yesterday's word was “arse” too and, looking at tomorrow's word, I can see that it's.....”arse”.....Wait a minute.....All the prompt-words for Leadvember are “arse” They're just done in different typefaces (see second image)

IT'S All JUST COMPLETE ARSE!

Who'd do such a thing? Well, I suppose it's lucky I discovered it so early on, otherwise I might have ended up with a month's worth of work which would have been completely useless to me. Imagine that!

Still, on with Inktober....

THE HORROR

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

There are fewer images of horror than this. You're sat going through the motions and when you turn to reach for the toilet paper you find there is none but a mocking scrap left. You could be at home when this happens or, even worse, in a public toilet. It's a situation that wouldn't be out of place in Danzig's Inferno. In such a vulnerable predicament, you know the only solution to it is to make the ultimate sacrifice....You're going to have to use your socks or underwear!

I know what some of you are thinking: “Yep, been there!”

PEANUTS

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

This picture is finished. It may not look it, but it is, and there's two reasons why I've done it this way....

The first is to reflect those peanut display cards you'd see in pubs and clubs in the 1970s and 80s, which were nothing but peanut strip-tease, where more of the image would be revealed as the packets of peanuts were bought. It was clever marketing. Big-D Nuts were known to produce quite tame ones, but other manufacturers got in on the action and were more risqué. They won't admit that now, as the evidence was thrown away, but that is what they did. The only clues that might be around are the photos people took in pubs and clubs at that time which might show these display cards in the background, or old television shows made at the time.

The other connected reason I did this piece was to generally take the piss out of those who always post WIP (work in progress) images on social media, that are nothing but a dull form of “peanuts” in themselves, which they seem to stretch out. I mean, if I did that image again, I could probably get a year's worth of posts out of it doing it leaf by leaf!

MANGAHOLICS ANONYMOUS

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

Manga can be a cruel addiction for many, but I'm sure there's help available for anyone who has that strange Japanese fixation on “cute” child-like cartoons. It's a dark, perverted, secret that many of you have. Just remember you're not alone. People would probably physically avoid you if they found out, but you're not alone.

Take it one day at a time, and repeat to yourself: “MANGA IS SHITE! MANGA IS SHITE MANGA IS SHITE!”

And FFS, get rid of all that hentai!

PHIL

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

“Wait...Did you just call me Phil? I'm a multi-dimensional higher being, you ignorant little tit! You don't just call someone like me PHIL! I was about to share the fruits of my knowledge with your species, ushering in a new age which would have been a significant step in human evolution, but now you can all PISS RIGHT OFF! You humans deserve to wipe yourselves out!”

It is widely believed that humanity constantly subdues itself with lazy misunderstandings like this.

CUSTOMER SERVICE

(Gel Fineliner on A5 Paper)

I did this piece for Inktober as a reference to the way many artists are so afraid of causing offence that they self-censor, causing their work to be bland and void of any creativity. They opt for the easy life, shying away from any kind of confrontation, especially in this age of social media.

Trolling has been around for a lot longer than the internet. It's not a new phenomenon. It's just easier for people to do now. If any artist is worried about upsetting anyone then they should  consider calling it a day, because they're really wasting their time.

MOVING HOUSE

 

(Gel Fineliner on A5 paper)

Still keeping the works "vanilla" with these Inktober submissions (not following the prompt words).

This is a simple image of a small house on legs. It didn't really take me that long to do, but the result is quite good.

COMMANDER KRO

 

(Gel Fineliner on A5 paper)

A piece I drew for Inktober 2024 (Day 3) giving some realistic encouragement to others taking part in, what is, a fairly pointless challenge. Some do fall by the wayside, though. Not their fault. It's a lot to invest in by doing a month's worth of drawings, such as time and the cost of materials, which is why I chose to use the cheapest I could find to complete it.

But I do that anyway.